Here’s My Title

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I make strong attachments to people. Some of them I have never met before, but talking to them still brings me joy and I wouldn’t want to lose contact with them. Well, I just had a great scare where I thought I would never be able to talk to one of them again because the account I use to talk to a group of them decided to fuck up.

It had been a while since I talked to them, but I still checked in on the conversation every now and again to see how things were going. I eventually had to update the app in order to continue talking to them, and after a few months of being busy and procrastination, I made enough space in my phone to update the app and talk to them again. Well, a couple days after that, something in my account “changed”. I’m not sure what changed, or how, or why… but it prevented me from talking to them and I couldn’t remember my password to log back in. I was instantly rushed with panic with the fear of never being able to talk to any of them again, mainly one that I grew very fond of and could talk to about anything. I had tried clearing the data from the app and opening it back up (which would normally automatically log me back in) but it wasn’t that simple. I needed to know my password to get back in.

I tried every password that made sense for it to be. I tried variations of the same password. After several attempts, I was able to get back in (using a password I could have sworn I tried typing in days before). I’m not too sure what it is about them, that makes me want to continue talking to them, even though I have never met them in person and we all live in different states… but like I said before… I make strong attachments to people. And if I happen to develop an attachment to you, you are very special to me and I don’t want to lose you from my life.

TMI Alert

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Fair warning, right now, everything in this post is going to be very TMI. I will be talking about periods so, if you happen to actually know me… and you don’t want to know too much… don’t read this. Now, I know some of you will take that as a challenge and continue to read… and if you do… for the love of God, please do not ever bring this post up to me. I already feel weird about putting this out there, but I feel like I should talk about it.

Well, here it goes. Last chance to back out…

No?

Okay, I warned you.

How do I start this? Have you ever heard of “The Diva Cup”? If not, it is a menstrual product… some find it to be rather disgusting. It is a reusable cup that is advertised to be leak-free and easy-to-use (it says so on the box). When I first heard about it that’s what I thought. Ew, I’ll never use that. Well… I guess that was a lie.

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The Diva Cup models 1 & 2

I purchased this product last month (model 1 for those under the age of 30 and have not given childbirth) after my period had started. Even though I thought it was rather gross when I first heard about it, after a lot of consideration, I decided it might be a good idea and investment. Pads and tampons are such a hassle sometimes. Especially when Aunt Flo decides to visit early or you have a heavier flow and are required to change more often. I do not enjoy having to purchase these items every month or two, especially when I’m not keeping track of my period and it just pops up on me. So I decided to give this a try.

Since my period was already in full swing, and I hadn’t built up the courage yet, I told myself I would try the cup out for the next one. So here I am… giving my review on it. My period started yesterday, right as I was getting off work. It was a day late but I was fully expecting it to make it’s appearance yesterday because of how nauseated I was and I was beginning to have subtle cramps. If it wasn’t for the fact that I wanted to dye my hair yesterday and ended up having a friend over, I probably would have started my experiment yesterday as soon as I got home, but instead I am trying it today.

Before I say anything else, I feel the need to let you all know that I, at times, can have really bad anxiety… those of you that know me, and how dare you for actually continuing to read this, already know this about me. That being said, trying to use the cup was rather terrifying. I knew how to use it, I had watched video reviews on this product before I even purchased it, but it was new to me. I can’t use tampons due to toxic shock that I guess is pretty bad in my family, so I’m not used to really having to put anything up there…

Inserting it wasn’t all that hard (I decided on the squatting approach while in the shower), but as soon as it was in and, I assume, in place, I instantly had a panic attack. I was beyond scared I wouldn’t be able to take it back out. I couldn’t feel it at all really (which is good, you aren’t supposed to be able to feel it). Since I couldn’t feel it though, I wasn’t sure exactly how far in it was. For a couple of minutes I was constantly checking to make sure it was still where it was supposed to be.

After checking it multiple times, I decided to just try and take it out. It was a little difficult at first. I was rather nervous about if it would hurt coming out since it’s basically suctioned to your cervix, but that part didn’t hurt at all. Since I wasn’t fully relaxed though, it did hurt a little to fully remove the cup. I decided to just leave it alone and try another time. Well, that isn’t happening.

After I finished washing up, I decided to try one more time. I was able to insert it a lot easier this time, and, again, cannot feel it. Some people have complaints about the stem being uncomfortable, but I can’t feel it at all. It’s rather comfortable as of right now. I was able to sit down no problem.

It’s only been about an hour now, and I haven’t done too much moving around since I have been writing this post for almost the whole time. BUT, I think this might be something I will be comfortable with continuing to use. Of course, you will have to take it out throughout the day to empty it, but so far I like it. I am going to continue to wear a pad with it for now since this is my first time using it, but hopefully it works how it says it will.

Maybe I will make a follow up post of what I think of The Diva Cup after I’ve tried it a little more. Thank you for reading, I hope you have a fabulous day!

Morning Thought

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4 o’clock in the morning. (Actually 4:05 because I try to stay in bed as long as I possibly can and still have time to get ready.) I force myself out of bed to begin my morning routine before work. Since it’s so early, or late for those who can still stay awake until this time, it’s still dark out. I’m quick to turn on the lights in any of the rooms I enter because I’m beyond scared to be alone in the dark. 

I go to brush my teeth and hear noises coming from the living room. My first thought was, oh my God… I’m going to have to try and defend myself with just a toothbrush. I can barely throw a punch.. How am I going to stop an attacker with just a toothbrush? 

Of course, there wasn’t anyone there. Anyone that has been over knows I have a rabbit that stays in the living room/dining room area. She/he/it (not quite sure the gender, but starting to lean towards girl) can be quite noisy, especially at night. I’ve gotten used to it now, but I used to lay in bed trying to figure out what that noise was. 

Too tired to figure out how to end this… So have a wonderful day. 

Forgot a Title

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Today was wonderful. For the first time in the past week, today was absolutely glorious. A week may not seem like a long time, but when something is making you feel worse and worse every day, it’s great when you get that one day that isn’t complete shit.

Surprisingly enough, I woke up on time for work after only getting three and a half hours of sleep. I was on some kind of high the whole day. I felt good. I felt happy. Nothing was bringing me down. My favorite team members and I laughed the whole day while we worked. We had little to no issues with the parts we were putting together, and we had a plant meeting at 1:30 which made it so we could leave as soon as it was over. Didn’t even have to stay until 3:30 today. Not that it would have been a bad thing, I would have enjoyed the extra money, but I also just wanted to relax since my body was not fully energized after the meeting. You would think being able to sit for an hour after having to stand all day would be amazing… it is not. I almost fall asleep every time we have a meeting.Then my ass hurts from sitting on the uncomfortable chair/stool things.It just isn’t fun.

Thanking God that tomorrow is Friday. Honestly thought yesterday was Tuesday. Don’t know how I made that mistake… but I didn’t find out it was actually Wednesday until like……….. 8.. 9.. 10  o’clock-ish. I don’t remember, I wasn’t paying attention to the time. But it made today even better once I discovered it would be Thursday. I had a great night and a great day. Hoping tomorrow will be just as good.

Dear Mr. Pizza Man

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Thank you, so much, Papa John’s Delivery Driver, for getting my order to me so quickly. I was very disappointed when I saw that it would take 85-95 minutes just for my one large pepperoni pizza to be delivered. I am starving, and I did not feel like cooking anything. So when I saw you pull up only 30 minutes after I made my order, I was ecstatic. I ran to the door. I even waited a few seconds before opening it so you didn’t know I was waiting. My faith in humanity (or at least pizza wait times) has been restored.

Another Day

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Have you ever started to panic over something that is probably just nothing? I do that all the time.

Previously, when it came to my best friend (who is no longer my best friend) that I talked to almost all day, every day, if he didn’t reply within an hour or two (and I didn’t know that he was already busy) I would assume the worst… that somehow, he had died or been severely injured. For some reason, I do this with people I really care about and really want to talk to… if it’s been quite a while since I’ve gotten a response from them, I instantly think something happened to them and I start to worry.

There’s some friends that I don’t worry about like this, even though I love them deeply and wouldn’t want anything to happen to them, if they don’t reply right away, I’m okay. I don’t panic. So why do I panic more for others?

Also, little, ridiculous things stick with me all day, or all week. Even months later, one very stupid event can weigh on my mind. Like something I’ve said or done. I sit there and wonder if the other person still thinks about what I said. Or what they could have thought about something I did. Do they continue to think about it longer after it’s over? Or is that just my mind looking for more things to worry about?

I try to control it but once a thought pops up that triggers my anxiety, it stays with me all day or until I feel like it has been resolved. I still get panic attacks when I think about my tattoo appointment. Did I set the date too far? Am I having second thoughts about getting it? But I really want it. Am I afraid of the pain? I already know what it will feel like. So why do I keep panicking over it?

Today was a great day but it still ended with being very anxious. Hopefully tomorrow will be calm the whole day through.

*edit* of all the things that could have caused me to panic today… Was when someone knocked on my damn front door. No clue who it could have been, was about to even answer it, til my roommate busted out of her room so I went back to making my food. Too bad it wasn’t someone for me. Haha. 

 

Hallelujah

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Today has been a much better day, even though I woke up right as I had to be leaving for work… I’m surprised my pants aren’t on backwards. 

Despite the oversleeping, I woke up feeling a whole lot better. And even though work was testing my limits, it still didn’t damper my mood. 

Best part of today had to be discovering that Hacienda is doing a Margarita special for Margarita day. Boy, do I love me some margaritas. Thank you Facebook, for strategically placing that news on my timeline. 

The second best thing was getting off work at 1:30 instead of 2:30. My paycheck won’t be as hot but this time to relax is much needed. 

Hopefully the rest of this week continues to be great. 🍹🍹🍾