I’ve come to the point in my life where I actually want a relationship. I want to settle down. I want to start a family. I just can’t seem to find the right guy. Everyone says “be patient, you’ll find him”, but I am not a patient person. I am also a very picky person. I am frequently told to “just give them a chance” “maybe you’ll like them”… But that’s not how I work. I have to know for sure before I actually get into a relationship. I have to know that’s what I truly want and that’s who I want it with.
There has only been one time I have genuinely felt that way. And that person turned out to be scum. So, of course, I lock up my heart a little more securely. I want to try with someone, trust me, I really do… It’s just so hard to put that much faith into someone. I’m sure things will be different when I actually find the one I’m meant to be with… But why can’t they show up soon?
I’ve gone on sites like Tinder, and POF, and even OK Cupid. Out of all of the ones I’ve been on, I’ve only met up with one guy from them. It was a horrendous experience. I met him with one of my closest guy friends, and it was terrible. I mean, it was okay at first… But ended terrifyingly. I haven’t told many about this, so why not post it on my blog?
Well, we watched movies and what not, and my friend and I were goofing around. Then, next thing I know, the guy from the website is trying to wrestle and shit and my friend doesn’t think anything of it. Then, he starts to wrestle ME. Keep in mind I was only 5’2″ and MAYBE 100 lbs. He has me pinned down and my friend thinks we’re all having a great time, he’s wrestling with his sister and this practically stranger had me pinned and is too close for comfort. No, he didn’t touch any of my goods, nor did he try to kiss me or do anything sexual to me in any way. But that does not mean any of it was okay. I tried fighting him off, but of course, everyone still thinks it’s fun games. I can’t recall exactly how it all ended, but I do remember at one point my hands were duct taped to my feet and I had to fight out of that. If any of this had been done by someone I was actually close with, I wouldn’t have had any problem with any of it. But, being that I barely knew this guy, I was not comfortable at all. Hanging out didn’t last much longer after that. We all went to 7-11 and got some snacks, then my friend and I walked to our high school while Mr. Creep left. I voiced to my friend how I had felt very uncomfortable and he apologized for not realizing it. I don’t blame him for not being able to tell because that was something our friend group would do so he didn’t think anything of it. But the experience out a sour taste in my mouth for meeting people from “dating” sites.
That wasn’t supposed to turn into “story time”… But I suppose I’ll end it with that. I do still really want to find the man of my dreams, and maybe he is waiting to be found on a dating website… He just better be incredibly special for me to want to actually meet up with him after that experience.