Tick Tock

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Tick tock, tick tock.

How I wish I could make time move faster. Or even jump through time. I would jump right to September. To the end of this lease. I can’t stand living here. I can’t stand living with her. 

I want to tell her I’m not going to resign the lease. But I can’t bring my anxiety ridden self to find the right time to do it. I want this weight off my chest, but I’m terrified to speak the words. I just want to leave. I want to be gone. I want her out of my life already. 

The longer this lasts the more I realize how much of a mistake this was. I don’t care about the lost friendship, I care about my wellbeing. The fact that I can’t just leave. I have to ride this out. And I know once I state that I will not by any means resign that lease, things will ease up for me. Maybe not with her, almost definitely not with her, but with myself. I can be calm for once. I don’t care if we don’t talk for the remainder of the lease, I’d prefer it that way. I just don’t know how to say I will not resign it. 

Oh, adulthood, how I wish I was still a kid. 

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