Pretty Little Invisible

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Fingers crossed I actually post this one! I have been having a problem where I will start to write a post and then get self-conscious and just leave it as a draft… i.e. I was typing a blog about my lack of confidence the other night and decided I didn’t want to put it out there yet. Anywho, let’s begin.

I have never felt like someone that gets noticed. I’ve always felt like I blended into the background. In high school, I would walk from point A to point B and that was it. I never really mingled in the halls. I was never really approached by anyone I didn’t really know, and if I was, it was them asking if I was a lesbian… fyi… I am very much so NOT a lesbian. If there was ever a time where someone approached me on a friendly level, I can’t recall it now. There was probably only one or two instances.

It isn’t just about being noticed in a crowd either. I feel like I never cross anyone’s mind. I feel like I’m just there and as soon as I leave they never think about me until I see them again or if I try to talk to them. I’ve come to notice though, that isn’t always the case. I have started to see that I get noticed a lot more than I think, and I am thought of a lot more than I would have imagined.

For starters, a couple weeks ago this guy came up to me at work after our 6 o’clock safety meeting in the morning. He had two coffees in his hand and he said one of them was for me. “Oh… thanks… who is it from?” I was rather sleepy at the time, and was incredibly happy to have coffee to wake myself up. “It’s from me.” I don’t know if I made a surprised, dumb face or not… but I was blown away at the thought that this stranger had even thought to bring me coffee that morning. And, boy, did I need it. That week had been shit so him doing that completely turned my day around. It was a Friday, too. What a great way to end the week. Anyway, my point is, he had noticed me. He had actually noticed me a couple weeks prior to him bringing me coffee, but had only just then decided to try and talk to me.

Another instance, a guy that was a grade or two ahead of me in high school messaged me on Facebook the other day. I had no clue he even knew that I existed. Truth be told, I thought he was totally hot in high school. Turns out, he had noticed that I had liked a couple of his statuses, and he had even liked a couple of mine, and he remembered me from school. So he decided to send me a message. He did the thing I hate. He told me his name even though I could clearly see who he was from his profile. I overlooked it though because I was shocked to have gotten a message from him. After talking to him for a good portion of the day, I decided to ask him why he decided to message me. He told me what I had explained about how he noticed I liked his stuff and remembered me from high school. I laughed. I told him I didn’t think he ever noticed me. And that’s when he told me “you tend to notice people you think are cute”,Sir… did you just tell me I’m cute???? I mean… I know I am now… but back in high school??? (Sorry for that conceited comment… but I think I look absolutely great sometimes now.) He’s actually a lot nicer than I thought he would be.

You want to know another? I’ve talked to this guy on and off for years now. Normally he would be the one to initiate the conversation, and every time he did I would just kind of be taken aback by it because we had never actually met, so the fact that he would think to message me amazed me. It also surprised me because I feel like I sound less interested (even though I normally am) in conversations when I don’t fully know the person, so the fact that he continued to try and talk to me made me happy. Every couple of weeks or months or so I’d get a message and we’d talk for a bit. I’m just like… wow… people actually want to talk to me? (We have actually met now, and I try to talk to him more. I enjoy his company.)

My best friend, she and I don’t talk all that often. (I mean, we do but we don’t?) We go days and weeks without talking sometimes, but our friendship stays as strong as if we were messaging each other every day. It still surprises me though when she randomly messages me to see how I’m doing. At first it would make me panic, because she would always be really concerned about how I was and I would instantly think something was wrong or she knew something that I didn’t know. Since then, I have gotten used to these texts and they no longer make me panic. They make me feel really happy knowing she thinks about me randomly like that and is always wondering how I’m doing. (She knows I have terrible anxiety problems. And she especially texts me to see how I am doing with a guy that I may like.)

SOMETHING THAT LITERALLY JUST HAPPENED WHILE I AM TYPING THIS. So, this guy had found me on Tinder the other day, and instead of waiting for me to swipe right for him (which, let’s be honest, would have never happened because I no longer try to find people on Tinder) he decided to just look me up on Facebook. Kind of surprised he found me, but at the same time… I don’t have a common name, so it probably wasn’t hard to do. Well, he JUST messaged me to say he had been thinking about me quite a bit today. I don’t know how that happens.

I’ve always felt so plain. The only time I felt like I would ever get noticed was when I’d dye my hair funky, crazy colors (which I need to do again) but, it turns out I get noticed just by being me. No matter how invisible you think you are, you most likely aren’t. There’s at least one person noticing you, even if you don’t realize it.

Have a nice night, or day, or whatever it is for you right now. Love to all!

 

 

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