For Mr. Lile.

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Since you demanded a post, I’ve got one right here ready for you to read.

I’ve been waiting for something interesting to happen to me and I’ve finally got the perfect gem to write about.

I have discovered that one of my friends of the longest time, we share a deeper connection than I could have imagined. As of recent, since we’ve graduated high school, we’ve grown closer than ever before. We may not talk every day, sometimes we’ll go weeks without talking, but when we do talk, it’s like we never stopped.

The thing I love most about this friendship, is how freaky it has become. And when I say freaky, I mean… I cannot explain how this keeps happening. The last several times, it seems like whenever I think of her, that very same day she texts me out of the blue. Just to see how I’m doing and if I’m alright.

I just got a new phone and her number did not transfer to it when I activated it, so I hadn’t been able to text her whenever I thought of her (she no longer has her Facebook so texting is the only way of communication we have if we aren’t in person). I knew I didn’t have to worry about that though because I knew it wouldn’t take long before she texted me again to see how I was doing. It’s been about a week or two since I got the new phone, and this morning, is when I discovered we are more than just best friends. We are soul sisters.

This morning, I had a dream about her. I cannot give you any details of the dream other than I she was in it. Everything else I am drawing a blank on. I remember a lot of white, and maybe a table? And her parents were part of the dream. Well, when I woke up, I got the gut feeling that she would text me today. As my day went on I gradually forgot about the dream… until it actually happened. She texted me. Yes, she actually texted me. It is not the first time that I’ve thought of her and had the feeling that she’d try and text me that day and then she has. We’ve discussed how freaky it is and how connected we have to be for this to keep happening. And it has happened almost every time she’s texted me for almost a year now.

We are so alike it isn’t funny. I couldn’t ask for a better friend. She is my best friend. She understands me on a level that no one else could. She’s helped me so much through so many things and she is so patient with my feelings and opening up about things. I can’t explain the premonitious (I don’t care if that’s not a word, I just made it one) feelings that we have that tell us when the other is wanting to talk… but I find it to be one of the coolest things and I am thrilled to share it with such an amazing person.

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Some nights are incredibly lonely. Tonight is one of those nights. When your throat has tightened up and you can feel every beat of your heart painfully against your chest. Tears stream out of your eyes with every gasped breath. It hurts to swallow. You can’t move. Your body has gone numb. You don’t have long to fall asleep, but you aren’t tired. The ones you feel like could help you through it aren’t responding. You don’t want to bother anyone else. You hardly wasn’t too bother those who you feel could help. Sometimes they’re your only hope. 

Every noise becomes brought out. The tick of a clock. The drip of a faucet. The hum of silence. They pierce your ears and you grow angry with every sound you hear. Louder and louder until the hum is like the constant splash of a water fall. You can’t block it out. Your hands won’t cover the noise. So you lay there and breathe. And cry. You hold yourself tight because that’s the only comfort you can find in the attack. You grip tight with your hands. You clench your teeth. Your eyes shut. Till you finally drift off to sleep.